Rage On

Sweet and gentle
the patter of the rain.
Now tamed and docile,
just like my soul.
Not long ago
the thunder rolled
angry and boisterous.
Violent and intimidating.

Inner turmoil
violently churning,
thundering on,
striking where is wants,
unpredictable and aggressive.
Then,
it passes.
Replaced by the sweet, soft patter
of refreshing rain.

Or tears.
No longer violent.
Falling softly
from my face.
The storm has passed.
The refreshing and renewal has begun.
-Carrie Horn

What I'm Loving....

What I'm Loving Wednesday.

Today what I am loving is my teaching tribe. The women who build me up and don't tear me down. The ones who tell me about what is going right in the classroom and in their home life. Today we planned an outing to a neighboring town, Lindsborg, little Sweden. We at lunch at Jalisco Mexican Restaurant, which was delightful. As we enjoyed our lunch together, we celebrated a tribe member who got a different job, one she will be really good at and that she has longed for and prayed for! One of the things she shared with us was that in the interview, she knew answers to some of the questions because of discussions we've had when we have gotten together. She said to us, "I took a piece of each one of you with me to that interview..." THAT my friends sums up what a tribe is all about! After our lunch time, we strolled around the town. What a fun time. And I ended up buying myself some to-die-for cute clothes! Leggings.  And a vest/jacket type thingy. It is oo-la-la. The best part of the apparel.... wait for it.... it has tie-dye on it! And it absolutely makes me feel pretty. And professional. And like my best self. And I definitely would have just longed for them if my tribe members wouldn't have been there to cheer me and encourage me. I know I'll wear these pieces plenty this upcoming school year!

I have no photos yet. Maybe I'll go take one!!!

My photographer was incensed that I would dare ask her to take my picture, so she just clicked, clicked, clicked and done. So the picture that is not blurry cut off my head, the one where I'm smiling was a little blurry. But I think these two pieces of clothing are the very definition of my authentic self. I bought them in a fair trade store which made them even more valuable/special/authentic!

I am loving that my life is so blessed. That I have fantastic, authentic friends who cheer for me and encourage me and love me and pray for me. I love that they trust me and allow me to be part of their inner circle.

I am loving this summer. What do I love: reading, napping, loving on the kiddo, snuggling with my cat (missing my dog still....), puttering in the garden, working in the house, working in the yard and getting back in touch with my creative side. I am loving the little things: a shaved ice with my daughter, lemonade in my cup, coffee drinks, coloring, netflix, sewing and sleeping.

I love that life is good today. I love the fact that I have a choice today. Today I don't have to run from my emotions, my hurts and heartaches. Today I can choose to give that stuff to God and not tip-toe around and pretend I was never hurt before. I can be real. And that lets me have joy. I don't have to have it all figured out today, I just have to keep going. And look for the good. Because when I look, there is a lot of it.

Slice of Life

Today for BTL's blogging challenge we are writing our Slice of Life. Just a slice, a glimpse, a little insight into our lives. So I'll continue blogging and practicing the discipline of writing with Michelle and I'll also link up for Slice of Life.

Today I am overwhelmed with "deep thoughts." I had originally planned to write about self-care and pets. But I'm really fired up about "Black Lives Matter" vs. "Blue Lives Matter" vs. "All Lives Matter." I not black or hispanic, but I'm really mad at my white brothers and sisters and their take on if we would just start to respect authority again then all would be right in our world. The problem is much, much larger than this and has developed over many years of police oppression and brutality and many years of blacks (mostly) being kept in the ghetto by the way we have waged our "war on drugs." Are all police corrupt? Absolutely not. And many who are corrupt on some level are corrupt with the best of intentions. They are not bad people and not trying to perpetuate hate, they are doing what they have been told is right, and what they've been taught. This is ginormously huge issue. This is only the tip of the iceberg. One that we cannot really understand if we are white. What? Why? Well, because certain privileges are ours just because we were born with white skin. Poverty is somewhat of an equalizer, but some privileges belong to us simply by our birth. Okay, rant over. For now. It will resurface, I'm sure.

Moving on to self-care. One of my favorite things in the world is tie-dying. It is relaxing in an exhausting perfectionistic kind of way. Tie-dying takes HOURS. And a lot of effort. It is really hard on my carpal tunnel syndrome. My hands are swollen today. Technically I didn't tie-dye yesterday. But the things I tied on Sunday I rinsed out yesterday. I rinsed, and I rinsed, and rinsed some more. And then I wrung them out, and rinsed them, and wrung them out and.... are you starting to get the picture? But I am SO pleased with the finished products! Thanks to a friend for contributing to the "grateful dyes" fund and to my bestie for pushing me to buy quality dyes from Grateful Dyes in Colorado. I learned a new technique (thanks youtube tutorial) called fish-scaling. And I was pretty successful making a star! It is not as crisp at the top as I wish it was, but it is still pretty good for my first star!

Sorry about all the grass in the pic, but this is the photo that turned out the best! The blue/green one is the fish scale technique!

This little slice of my life is something that makes me feel happy and excited and successful. I'm not always successful at parenting, at teaching, at friending. Well, I'm not always successful at tie-dying, but I feel a real sense of accomplishment when I do it successfully.

Words that Speak to Me....

Today's blogging prompt for Michelle's July Blogging Challenge is... Words that speak to me. Oh my. I could fill a book. So read on. And be sure to hop over and see what everyone else blogged about today, the 11th day of the challenge.

Here are some of the words I try to live by:
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-- some fact of my life-- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or sitatuion as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

"When I focus on what's good today I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases."

"Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that's God's will for me.
I must keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance and off my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see I've never had it so good."

I was searching this morning to find out when this story was written, but I did not find the answer. Dr. Paul got sober in 1967 (before I was born) and wrote this after that. It was first an article and later included in the stories in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Recently there have been many books written about the words that are in here. Books that concentrate on how we can have a good life if we focus on what is good and right. The book I am currently reading to become a more focused parent, Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline, talks about the Power of Attention: what you focus on you get more of. I love the fact that this idea is not new and also that these words I want to form my life around, are spoken in other places in other forms as words to live by. They are powerful. I am a deeply flawed individual. And when I focus on that, my mistakes multiply. When I focus on what is right, my whole life improves.

A couple other "words to live by" words for me....

1	Amazing grace! how sweet the sound,   That saved a wretch; like me! I once was lost, but now am found,   Was blind, but now I see.
2	’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,   And grace my fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear   The hour I first believed!
3	The Lord hath promised good to me,   His word my hope secures; He will my shield and portion be   As long as life endures.
4	When we’ve been there ten thousand years,   Bright shining as the sun, We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise   Than when we first begun.

In my life, having joy is partly from already walking through a hell that I never want to repeat. All too often I catch myself thinking about other people who profess the grace of God but live out judgment and I think to myself.... "they don't know what it is to be a wretch like me!" I do. I know I have been a monster. I horrible person. And that I don't have to live that way today. Today I have the power of choice in my life and I have a LOT of freedoms. Freedoms from self-condemnation and fear, from the cycle that we are held to when we live our lives in anger and hatred.

The Serenity Prayer is a way of life as well. I know, it is simply an over-quoted prayer. But it is more than that.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...."
Well, this part helps me realize that I am very, very human and finite and I have very little control on the world around me. Can I change the will and heart of another person? No, I am not God. Can I change the political turmoil and civil unrest that is playing out in our country today? No. I am one person.
"courage to change the things that I can...."
So what, exactly, CAN I change? me. My attitudes and actions. My heart. My choices. I can continue to weed out that things I don't want to take root in my inner soul. I can continue to look around for positive role models to pattern my actions after. I can step out of my comfort zone and make changes to the way I view life, the way I parent, the way I love others, the way I take care of business, the way I teach.
"and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."
Is this my stuff? Or is it yours? Am I being co-dependent and taking on responsibility that is not mine? Am I trying to change something I don't have control over? Is this my stuff? Or someone else's baggage, garbage, opinion, or responsibility?

	Words that I want to live by....
	"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny." -big book of Alcoholics Anonymous p. 164. Somewhere in the big book it mentions "happy, joyous and free." Believe me, this often seems to me to be out of my grasp. Grandiose. But if you look farther into the serenity prayer than the frequently quoted verse that we all know, there is a line that talks about being reasonably happy in this life.... reasonably happy. I find that something I can actually strife for. It sounds and seems attainable to me. I have many, many other "words that speak to me." Like my OLW... momentum. Besides the powerful words in the song Amazing Grace,  the words of the old hymn "It is Well" speak to me. If I trust in a God that is big and powerful and has my best interest at heart, I can have calm in the middle of chaos. Because I know.... it is well with my soul. Wow. I got a little preachy. sorry not sorry. What a great prompt! What are the words that speak to you? Move you? Change you? What are words that you aspire to live by?

Hometown Attractions....

Today's prompt was Hometown attractions. I was planning to write about something else. But this got ahold of me. Here are a few thing I love about my little, rural town.

The beautiful McPherson Opera House. It has been beautifully restored. There are places to hold receptions, and family gatherings, as well as a beautiful stage for entertainment acts and sometimes movies or plays.

Neighbors Cafe. A little bit of nostalgia. Old fashioned diner, fantastic folks, one of a kind food. My favorite is going in for breakfast food. The food is good. Like I really want to get Guy out here to eat it and talk about it on Triple D. But more than the food, I love the people, the atmosphere. It's fun and everyone is family. I love bringing friends here.

Main Street Deli. Lovingly referred to as "the Deli." If you eat at the Deli, plan to smell like the Deli for the rest of the day. But oh.... it's worth it! Great sandwiches and soups and homemade desserts. The pies.... to die for. Cheese cake. Oh yes.

For such a small town, it amazes me that we support 2 great coffee shops. Craft Coffee Parlor and The Well. They aren't Starbucks. And that is cool. The coffee drinks are pretty amazing.

I love our parks. Wall Park in particular. I used to walk there. I don't walk now. I'm so sad about that. 

But maybe I'll get back to walking before summer is over. I hope so. 

I dream about going to KC to a Royals game, and we don't really have famous eateries here. But what we have has heart. It's quaint. Endearing. My town has a lot that I love. Not least of all..... my home, with our newly acquired fence. And we have two colleges, both of them small, private, Christian colleges.  One of them save my life 28+ years ago, when I was a young college student in the throes of a disease called alcoholism. But that is another story.

BTL blogging challenge: Favorite Student Memory 15-16

Big Time Literacy blogging challenge's writing prompt today is: favorite student memory from this last school year. I am overwhelmed by the amazing group of kids that I had last year. I am not sure I can write about it.

Here are a few favorites!

Kansas Day presentations! My amazing teaching friend taught me about fun foldables. So we had to try it! We made foldables for our Kansas Day presentations and wrote facts in the flaps.

Here are their foldables and sentences on the Bulletin Board.

Presenting!

I helped this little friend read his foldable.

 Watching students master their writing and phonics skills in Fundations. I was so proud of all of them, but this little guy really struggled with fine motor skills at the beginning of the year and watching him struggle and succeed was extremely rewarding.

 One of my very favorite memories this year was on Star Wars Day!

Most of my favorite memories are not academic. These kids have big hearts and my life is better because they are in it. I have built some relationships that I anticipate keeping for a very long time. I had the privilege of watching one of my little friends play T-ball this summer. It was amazing to see her confidence soar!

BTL Blogging Challenge: Book Club Friday

The writing prompt for today is to write about any book we are reading. But I have to be honest. My heart is not on books I'm reading right now. My heart is bleeding for the discord and turmoil in our country.

The unrest and violence is deeper than white suburbia can possibly fathom. We think to ourselves and say to our neighbors, "but look how much things have changed since the 60's...." Yes, there have been been some incredibly good changes. But if you take a look at the "war on drugs" and what that has done to the black community, not all change has been good. Today I am thinking on the book I read last summer: On the Run: Fugitive Life in an American City by Alice Goffman.

I see things in the media by police, about police, for police advertising and selling that there ARE good policemen and women out there. This is SO TRUE. But as a whole, they've been charged with "containing the problem" and especially in the cities of our nation. Extreme force is expected and accepted. If we think that cops killing people (in particular people of color) is something new, we are sadly mistaken. Please don't think for a moment that I am saying that I think it's okay to retaliate, absolutely not. I am trying to convey that it is a bigger problem. It starts in government. And "We the People" need to stop turning a blind eye to our bothers and sisters around us. These two incidences in the last few days happen to have been caught on video and shared with a world that turns it's back on the ghetto and the plight of our poor and impoverished.... which is statistically proven to be blacks and hispanics.

I am sad today. I am a little scared of what is to come. And I pray that positive change comes out of these tragedies. ALL OF THEM. I am heartbroken over the deaths in Dallas. I hurt. I believe what MLK said sums it up best: