tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68085612159841461592024-03-18T20:19:56.501-07:00Education in Ms. Horn's worldCarrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.comBlogger369125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-52182972689984654292021-09-27T15:22:00.001-07:002021-09-27T15:22:13.134-07:00Whirling Vortex<p>Today I feel beat down, </p><p>hurt, </p><p>injured </p><p>by the very things</p><p>I seek to overcome, </p><p>to learn not to be about.</p><p>Aloneness.</p><p>Abandon.</p><p>Loneliness.</p><p>Sadness.</p><p>Defiance.</p><p>Whirling and twirling, </p><p>round and round</p><p>the vortex goes. </p><p>Ebbing. Flowing.</p><p>Eating. Destroying.</p><p>The doomsday tornado </p><p>crashing 'round in my head, </p><p>leaves me feeling like I'm dead.</p><p>It's angry and volatile,</p><p>its wretched and vile. </p><p>The thoughts,</p><p>the feelings. </p><p>Do you know what you fffffffeeeeeeeeee.eeeeeelllllll?</p><p>Hell no. </p><p>Because I have smothered it in anger</p><p>and discontent.</p><p>I cannot experience my feelings as they are.</p><p>The beast, </p><p>it eats them,</p><p>buries them, </p><p>smothers them. </p><p>in anger.</p><p>and darkness.</p><p><br /></p><p>-Carrie Suderman </p><p>But I </p>Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-10338714898198159882018-01-07T07:25:00.004-08:002018-07-27T06:59:08.234-07:00Melancholy Majesty<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmsEGK9qPsyZzYjGi6zn0mtegbA8lnuPod6glRnuhjq0mbg0FVl0II_JhGMmxk92XR5UMONINbYyCvE14VBeZfDFhCE7E1_FpgTVCnSpejPhBRbYV-EnBIH6huFU-ZWoFXzzKHedxfkSS-/s1600/23318999_10155944099906180_4575232919838820467_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="960" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmsEGK9qPsyZzYjGi6zn0mtegbA8lnuPod6glRnuhjq0mbg0FVl0II_JhGMmxk92XR5UMONINbYyCvE14VBeZfDFhCE7E1_FpgTVCnSpejPhBRbYV-EnBIH6huFU-ZWoFXzzKHedxfkSS-/s320/23318999_10155944099906180_4575232919838820467_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
A touch of sadness<br />
in your naked branches,<br />
while you reach bravely,<br />
unafraid,<br />
toward the sun.<br />
Vulnerabilities exposed,<br />
imperfections....<br />
boldly thrust forward. <br />
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Something so beautiful<br />
in your sadness and strength.<br />
Representative of the seasons<br />
of life.<br />
Death to the old,<br />
casting off of what drags you down.<br />
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Very soon,<br />
you'll blossom again.<br />
Life and hope<br />
represented by your green leaves<br />
and covered arms.<br />
Adorned with grace....<br />
both bright and fragile.<br />
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But today,<br />
you show me<br />
how to stand tall,<br />
forlorn and alone.<br />
Grace and strength<br />
your only covering.<br />
Your lonely branches<br />
lain bare<br />
like a soul<br />
stripped of its defenses.<br />
Melancholy and majestic.<br />
Breathtakingly beautiful.<br />
-Carrie H.Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-36687346503111710572017-06-11T08:01:00.000-07:002017-08-01T06:25:55.772-07:00InspiredYesterday I had an exciting experience! I met my blogging friend from Chicago! We met in a blogging challenge in 2013. She has hosted some of my favorite blogs as well. For awhile she hosted "Sunday Letters," which I adored. As we evolve in our careers, blogging changes. This year I have not blogged. Not really at all. This makes me sad to think about. I have not nurtured my writing gene. But I have remained connected with my blogging friend, a Literacy Coach for middle school students. She thinks it is difficult to teach Kinders and Firsties ("Littles"). I think she's a saint for teaching middle school age students. I know about her life. She knows about mine. Now we have this face-to-face experience to add to a friendship we've been growing for 4 years now. This meeting is a way to enhance a friendship, not the beginning. As a bonus, I am excited to blog again.<br />
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Today we are going to watch the Cardinals game! A Cubs fan and a Royals fan, watching the Cardinals and the Phillies. <br />
<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-57306919946271659242016-12-31T08:02:00.001-08:002016-12-31T08:02:44.903-08:00One little word?One of my friends posted her word for 2017 on social media this morning. The truth is, I haven't even thought about 2017 yet. I still have over 12 hours left in 2016, right?! But I started thinking about what will be MY defining word this year, my focus, the one word, ideal, concept that I come back to again and again.<br />
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PASSION. Passion for Kinders, their families, my children, pedigogy, learning, living, and possibly even loving. I mean, why do anything half-(way). Right? I could really get into this. Because I think this word already defines me. I am not a half-(way)-er. I am a whole-way-er. I tend to jump in whole-heartedly to both the good and the not-so-good for me. So passion. But wait.... I'm already there on the passion thing. In fact, maybe temperance would be a better choice. I need to slow down and really weigh out what I get so all-firing passionate about. Maybe.<br />
<br />
But then again....<br />
<br />
JOY. Maybe 2017 is a year for sheer joy. I am happier with myself, my life, and more at peace with the wreckage of my past than I have ever been. So maybe this is the year to bask in the glory of it all. Joy. But that seems to be a natural by-product of my FOCUS. Because when I focus on what is good and right in myself and the world, the world becomes a better place. Focus is how I got to joy in the first place. So maybe Joy isn't my word after all....<br />
<br />
So maybe a good word would be....<br />
<br />
HEALTH. I want to focus on my health. More water. Actually make and show up for Doctor appointments. More fresh fruits and veggies and whole foods. Less convenience foods and highly processed foods (which happen to be my favorite and my comfort foods). So getting regular movement in, changing my eating habits, drinking more water and for heavens sake, go to the bathroom when I need to! (Teachers are notorious for holding it ALL. DAY. LONG. and my kidneys are rather angry at me about this). But there is so much more to health than just the physical. There is the spiritual side. Which often drives and overrides the physical health part. So maybe my word should be....<br />
<br />
SPIRITUALITY. I want to be more Zen in 2017. Chill. Go with the flow. Increase my awareness of what is going on within my heart and soul. Pursue yoga. Find a church. okay, I think I found a church, I "just" need to commit to getting there. Which is easier said than done. This requires both getting up AND getting dressed. At a reasonable hour. On the weekend. So that part.... I dunno. But being aware of what I feel, and accepting it. A good goal.<br />
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INTROSPECTION would be a good goal/word too. Reflecting on what went right, what went wrong and what can I do differently next time. Wait. I do that. Daily. Sometimes lesson by lesson. Sometimes minute by impulsive minute. So maybe I am satisfied with my current level of introspection. So moving on....<br />
<br />
BALANCE. Ah, that word makes me vomit in my mouth a little. It has also been my goal for many years already. So no thank you. It is great in theory, but I find that it inhibits my passion, which I am much more excited about than my balance. So I give up on balance. Don't tell my youngest child, she's waiting for me to find more balance. But something I need to focus on is learning....<br />
<br />
EDUCATION. Life-long learner. Isn't that what teachers commit to? Being life-long learners? Exciting. It is exciting. But I NEED to find the passion and the drive to pursue the Masters of Education plan that I have committed to. UGH. I am not currently passionate about this. But it will improve my quality of life and the quality of the lives of the children I so dearly love and what to educate to find an easier, softer way than the way I took. So I need to stop playing around with this, because I am currently a student and I need to become a studious one. So maybe I need perseverance. I need to commit whole-heartedly to this education choice I've made and let it be part of my passion.<br />
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In case you haven't noticed, I don't know that there will be ONE LITTLE WORD for me this next year. But I loved my word last year.... MOMENTUM. The pendulum has swung to the good, the passionate, the confident side. I have less self-doubt than I ever have. I want to keep going. Keep focusing on what is right and good and watch the good in my life increase. That was what I envisioned for 2016 and it was a good word and goal. It has been a year of positive momentum and also a year of growth. A year of passion and there's even been some joy. My real hope is that I look for the good in others and that I offer compassion as a constant gift to those around me and especially to my students.<br />
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Happy New Year's Eve Day. Or introspection and reflection day. or some such thing. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-61424792773012688342016-08-14T07:34:00.001-07:002016-08-14T07:34:06.555-07:00Shameless Begging.... <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Okay, so I told someone yesterday that I am not beyond shameless begging. And that is only partly true. I feel a little bit of guilt. Guilt that I didn't think to put these things on my list when we were getting back to school supplies for our classrooms at the end of last year. Guilt that I would put it out there to you, my friends in bloggy land. Guilt that I don't have enough in my bank account to just go get this stuff.... But alas, I cannot cover these items this year. So I'm asking for your help for the items I still need.<br />
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I need magnets to stick to the backs of my business cards so I can hand out refrigerator magnets at open house. I need a total of 25. But they come in packs of 10, so I guess I need 3 packages.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Adhesive-Business-Card-Magnets-10-Pack/34528686" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Adhesive-Business-Card-Magnets-10-Pack/34528686" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhX1kvZl8W0m0CrQYIbOwBKobzSpU3PGGHLuh8nsn9hulxCUMb-bUcXwA4PMh3NTd6DCDcr4fhDAD6wjghM0ouXaEufIs5bOLBl4K3848wLl4GCnojtzJbQOHkIueYu3ww8HuAiJu5rPzN/s320/adhesive+magnet.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click the picture to go to Walmart.com </td></tr>
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I need bean bag filler. My bean bag is too flat. (oh, sadness). It is no bueno when a student goes to the calm down area, flops in the beanbag and hits their head or their bottom because they sink all the way to the bottom of the beanbag (not very calming after all)!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Popped-Polystyrene-Bean-Bag-Refill-3.5-Cubic-Feet/11004709" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiazBukvOq3nlRP0Y9TBA_yMbsQZyMRHt6bKZ2JO00xCKcB_SmLUowI4xF1aRM1rxiH6tkRfmZ_rE0C_LLDFsBMxAA3QphU19X1lYP-vKKHxB5aBZ0MLMXYCzFVyOD6lQFvgtL8QXTVTeN/s320/beanbag+filler.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Popped-Polystyrene-Bean-Bag-Refill-3.5-Cubic-Feet/11004709">click the image to go to the order page</a></td></tr>
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I bought some water bottles at the Dollar Tree last Spring. They were 3 for $1. But the 3 for $1 size is really too small. They are constantly needing refilled! I really need the 2 for $1 size. And the Dollar Tree I visited yesterday did not have them (again.... sadness). So I need water bottles. They wouldn't have to be from Dollar Tree. They just need to be BPA-free, and be 16-20 oz. and have a sport top lid (not 8 oz for sure, possibly 12 oz). Here are some ideas:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.target.com/p/multicolored-tear-drop-bottles-2-pk/-/A-13788730" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYo4-Q8l_Od1gasQyd75jeBfjfGaKpW3qibV7kQy155MooR1ctRgtp2jxaL_PW7o8KTue_-nGA2rXLwCwYl2Onq8K_OsNHlu5iIVOsm06pZzvSYt3VbIzj8ExClLo1kEbco0bGhaokIzIR/s320/water+bottles.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.target.com/p/multicolored-tear-drop-bottles-2-pk/-/A-13788730">I actually couldn't find the number of ounces this holds, these may be on the small side. Click to see them at Target.com</a></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.target.com/p/multicolored-tear-drop-bottles-2-pk/-/A-13788730"> </a></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.target.com/p/multicolored-tear-drop-bottles-2-pk/-/A-13788730"><br /></a></td></tr>
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Target dollar spot usually has sport top bottles for $1 that are 12 or 16 oz. But I can't find an image of them to post. I would need a total of 24 or 25 of these.<br />
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Here are some from Dollar Tree. They can be ordered online in a case of 25. I know that in the Salina store they had them wrapped up 2 together for $1 and they were *big enough* (16 oz. I think). <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.dollartree.com/household/food-storage/Platic-Water-Bottles-with-Silicone-Pull-Top-Spouts-28-oz-/500c512c512p367913/index.pro?method=search" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWPW7lb5WWqkeOC6AYIBD7j7ki_3uLa5e98EePnqZ7U6zICd-iJdhUqUwAH77661t91SpQyDYvpKIL5M2fEgVbOFtwUklIAsT1OXz7bFfI85GD3xj3KKVGrd93E_CM0d7aOBywCn-2B-lT/s1600/dollar+tree+water+bottle.jpeg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.dollartree.com/household/food-storage/Platic-Water-Bottles-with-Silicone-Pull-Top-Spouts-28-oz-/500c512c512p367913/index.pro?method=search">click to go to Dollar tree order page</a></td></tr>
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Last but not least.... is it really last? Don't we as teachers ALWAYS find more and more that we "need"? Anyway....<br />
I *need* clear contact paper. I could use clear packing tape, but it makes things gummy and is hard to clean. I am trying to build a better relationship with the custodians this year! A roll of clear contact paper would make so many things easier!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Con-Tact-Vinyl-Durable-Repositionable-Self-Adhesive-Contact-Paper-for-Lamination-Multiple-Sizes-Clear/46135321" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqN024FHZzogwwm94v4O4m21jm_oOzOqYK0S4JY1kwUEvq_trYvyTFRhmmtAQ6EOxCqBOav_YSC0vT36HvKlf-ganwEZHA83xPE_lY-4A2tFQKj9703nfX88We_KPKKScciEC0GvxDvVd8/s320/clear+contact+paper.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.walmart.com/ip/Con-Tact-Vinyl-Durable-Repositionable-Self-Adhesive-Contact-Paper-for-Lamination-Multiple-Sizes-Clear/46135321">click here to go to walmart.com to order</a></td></tr>
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So that is all for now. Shameless? I am not sure about that. But begging nonetheless. I could really benefit from this stuff and I didn't have the foresight to order it last year. Or I just realized the importance of it now!<br />
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If you order things online, ship them to: Carrie Horn, Faris Elementary School, 301 E. 10th, Hutchinson, KS 67501.<br />
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Of course, these are always the right shape, color and size:<br />
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Okay family and friends, I know that I should be embarrassed for begging. And part of me is. But there's a part of me that knows my school year will start so much better if I can acquire these items and the almighty dollar is stretched pretty thin around here these days!<br />
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Above all what my classroom needs is your good thoughts and prayers. Prayers for students to feel safe and loved. Prayers for me to be centered and balanced. Prayers for our school and our administration to always do what is best for the kids.<br />
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Thank you for being part of my life and reading my blog. Thanks for seeing me as a valuable human being long before I saw myself that way. May you feel blessed today! <br />
Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-43137904054227204982016-08-03T05:44:00.001-07:002016-08-03T05:45:23.917-07:00Reflecting on WritingSo I did not take time to reflect on my month of blogging with <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/bigtime-blogging-challenge-month-in.html"><b>BTL</b></a> in the month of July and I decided that I would rather be late than not post at all. <br />
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I'm going on a short side trip, so go with me for just a minute....<br />
I just finished 4 days of professional development called "Adaptive Schools." Very good training. In-depth and practical and relationship building. And if you know me at all, you know I think that relationship building is key to any sort of success in life. One of the things we talked about frequently was the need to process what we are learning or we will lose it. Okay, so that is ultimately why I want to go back and reflect on my month of blogging even though my mind is full steam ahead looking at the upcoming school year.<br />
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Blogging in July was....<br />
<ul>
<li>up close and personal. And I was okay with it. But I am also aware that I'm on over-sharer and I hope that is not what I did by sharing some deeply personal things about myself. </li>
<li>fun.... mostly. Some days were difficult, but what I noticed was that the more I blogged the easier it was to do it. Once I missed a couple of days, then it was harder to find my flow again. </li>
<li>inspirational. </li>
<li>motivational. I felt like a writer. I also felt more competent in other areas of my life if I blogged. Blogging competency spilled over into other areas and motivated me to garden, clean, sew, read and connect.</li>
<li>reflection = growth.</li>
</ul>
Sometimes I try to stay away from the deeply personal, but I also think that it is a core part of who I am and why I do the things I do. And my friend Rebecca says that my past is now my strength, so use it. Which means I'm done pushing it down and pretending I am like all the other people in this world.<br />
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Blogging was easier the more I did it. I can draw a parallel between this and just about anything educational that I want to. But in particular I am thinking about writing. The more my students practice writing, the more confident they will be, the easier it will become. There are some students who will never write as quickly or as fluidly as some others, but from wherever they start, they will improve and it will become easier. I think daily practice is something I will focus on more this year because of this challenge. I don't think my Kinders will blog this year (ha ha), but we'll start with name writing practice and letter formation. And as we progress throughout the year, we will continue to improve and extend and write more. It will become routine.<br />
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Writing can inspire. I want to reflect on inspiration and growth both at the same time. When I took time to reflect on the big things in my life, I was inspired. I realize now that sometimes I "miss" those little things that are actually big things because I don't take time to reflect on my day and what was really important.<br />
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When I accomplish something and have a focus, everything is more focused and organized in my life. Summer can be dangerous for me because too little structure leads to feeling lazy and useless but also feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. Blogging often gave me a start. Though some days it was how I ended my day.<br />
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I loved this challenge and I hope, hope, hope that Michelle will bring back "Letters" on a regular basis because it is one of my favorite forms of writing (no pressure my friend). I learned and grew and I am inspired to-- be a more consistent writer for my own benefit; and to instill a practice of writing in my class. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-43780317785104521492016-07-30T08:49:00.002-07:002016-07-30T08:52:06.316-07:00Blogging on July 30I can't decide what I'm posting about today. The almost end of the <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/review-use-your-words.html"><b>blogging challenge</b></a>. I attempted to start a post yesterday about my hopes and dreams for this next year. But after I sat there for an hour and had half of a first paragraph, I gave up. It's not that I don't have hopes and dreams. It is more that I don't want to sound too Pollyanna. I tend to live in a cloud. A pink cloud. And then when I pull my head out (of the cloud.... keep it clean folks!), I plummet to the sewer. I tend to ride the roller coaster around and around and around thinking each time will produce a different result and after awhile I am suddenly sad and disillusioned and, well, bitter. This year our building will be facing an even greater number of new staff and teachers than last year. And I am super excited about it. There is a lot of positive energy in our building right now and a lot of anticipation and excitement. It is contagious and I am really excited. I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I have felt in a long time. Both personally and professionally (not parentally~ that's a word, right? My computer says no). I know that every year brings new trials. But I feel like I'm on track to keep my head when a student is losing theirs. And that is a giant first step. For the most part, I am pretty good at faking it til I make it and keeping a calm demeanor and voice even though my insides are climbing the crisis scale right along with my students. But it is SO HARD to think clearly and stay in my "upstairs brain" when I have an escalated student. I tend to descend to fight or flight myself. But I am becoming more and more aware of my shortcomings as well as more aware of ways to stay in the thinking part of my brain to find solutions. So I feel good about that and I feel confident that it will be a hugely successful year in this regard. I have a dream that students will know how to regulate their emotions, know how to calm themselves down and how to respond appropriately when they feel uncomfortable! Crazy, right? Well, I know it can happen. Not by osmosis, but through direct teaching and continuous modeling. So I have hopes and dreams for my team. That we'll all use loving and kind voices, words and actions to help students learn how to regulate their voices and actions. They have a legitimate right to their feelings. And to process them. My hope and dream is that they feel safe and loved.<br />
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I have a lot more hopes and dreams. About my dream team and how my colleagues and I will interact this year. I'm going to ride my pink cloud until it dissipates. And I'll try to stay grounded in reality enough to be flexible and learn new skills and solutions instead of doing things that don't work and expect amazing results.<br />
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<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-82586090405309418502016-07-27T06:02:00.001-07:002016-07-27T06:05:13.756-07:00Dear First Year TeacherToday's prompt for Big Time Literacy's blogging challenge is "Dear First Year Teacher." So read 'em and weep. Okay, don't weep.<br />
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I thought I'd be full of wisdom (?), but my mind is pretty blank this morning. So I'll give it a shot, but....<br />
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Dear First Year Teacher,<br />
No one will care how cute your room is or how adorable your outfits are, they will not remember. What your colleagues will remember was this: were you humble or arrogant? were you friendly and open? were you trying to make things better for the school or just your own little classroom? Did you do everything in your power to help your students have a good year? Did your words match your actions? If you say you care about your kids but your actions don't match, we will see that. So themes and cute rooms are really cool, but what will be remembered is how you treat others and if you are humble.<br />
Signed,<br />
Someone who has seen both sides of this<br />
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Dear First Year Teacher,<br />
It doesn't matter what kind of amazing supports are in place, you will feel like you are under-supported. Because the first year of teaching is hard and more often than not you will be stabbing in the dark with ideas that you don't really know if they will work or not. We (myself and a whole host of others in the building) will do our best to support, friend and scaffold you. But sometimes it will not feel like enough.<br />
Sincerely,<br />
a teacher who did not drown that first year, even when it felt like it<br />
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Dear First Year Teacher:<br />
You cannot be an island. Reach out. Choose to be part of the team. Even though it's scary and you don't feel like you have the time or the energy to add one more thing to your plate, it will be worth it. Volunteer to help another teacher, speak up at staff meeting, ask questions, and choose to be part of social events. You are a valuable part of our team and we value you and want to support you. We don't really know how to do that any more than you know what you need, so reach out. Be a part. It will help fill that gap. The I-am-drowning-and-I-don't-have-enough-support gap. I think that every first year teacher feels it. I know that in retrospect I had AMAZING support, but I still felt like I was drowning.<br />
Love,<br />
your teammate<br />
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Dear First Year Teacher,<br />
It is okay to cry. So love your kids. They will know it. They will respect it. And they will rise to whatever high standard you set for them. You might cry though. And that is okay. All the best teachers do at some point.<br />
Signed,<br />
the teacher in the puddle of tears next door<br />
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Dear First Year Teacher,<br />
I may not choose every idea you throw out, but don't stop sharing your ideas. You have the freshest perspective of anyone in the building. Your ideas are gold. I value your input. I hope the rest of our team is aware that we have as much to learn from you as you have to learn from us.<br />
love,<br />
Your teammate<br />
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This is the short list. There is so much more! But the bottom line (in my opinion) is: love your kids, be open to others, and remember that it only feels like you are drowning, you will get through this. I hope I am a worthy support to the new teachers in our building. They are going to be a valuable addition to our TEAM and I look forward to rowing my boat to their island. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-70145043679951506892016-07-25T19:02:00.001-07:002016-07-25T19:02:59.729-07:00Gratitude LatelyToday's prompt for BTL's blogging challenge is Gratitude Lately. And as you surely know by now, I'm a big fan of gratitude and what it does to our lives. So head over to <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/gratitude-lately.html"><b>Big Time Literacy</b></a> and read about gratitude.<br />
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Today, on a small scale, I am thankful for my new-to-me car. Take a gander. It's purty.<br />
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It is a 2009 Chevy Impala. And I received it from my friends at Circles of McPherson County. The organization that is helping those in our community learn about how to get out of poverty and helping people take positive steps toward that goal. This is the truth. I received a car as a gift. I did have to put in some hours of reciprocity (giving back to the community, or community service) and have two people in my life write letters of recommendation as to why I would be a worthy recipient. This is no small thing. Why would I consider it to be a small thing? Because in the grand scheme of things the bigger thing that I am thankful for is becoming part of a community that is bridging the gap and helping people out of poverty. I am thankful for so many reasons! One reason is because of what my friend Rebecca calls social capital. I just call it networking. But social capital may be a better term. The more people you know, the bigger your network of friends, the bigger your network of friends, the more likely you will hear about "that job" or get help in a crisis or a non-crisis. On the Circles page on fb, people are often posting about appliances needed or appliances or furniture to give away. We help each other. It's amazing. I am so grateful for this group because I am making friends and filling my heart and soul with friends from all walks of life. So this is a bigger thing. The influence my journey in Circles has had on my life and the changes that it is making. I am grateful.<br />
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I'm grateful for the love my kitty. He warms my heart.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here he is sitting on the water frisbies I got this summer. </td></tr>
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I am grateful for the wonderful people who are my offspring. They are really neat people. I am so grateful for each opportunity to bond with them and get to know them more. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sister selfies. wow. ????</td></tr>
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I am so grateful for my life today and that I can choose today. Will I try to make the world a better place? Will I focus on what is good and right? Or become focused inward on any and every thing that is lacking in my life today? What is my focus? I choose gratitude. I have such a life of blessing today. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-75468558942627681462016-07-24T05:33:00.002-07:002016-07-24T05:40:25.802-07:00Why I teach...There is so much unrest on the world right now. And I know that being a white kid in poverty is not the same as being a brown or black kid in poverty. I wasn't *really* in poverty. But I was targeted. Singled out. As a black sheep, bad kid, wrong-side-of-the-tracks kid. I was "different." Not like all the churchy, cultured kids. I was a VERY ordinary kid. If by ordinary I mean not rich, not middle class, just a working class kid in a middle class neighborhood/town, then definitely, I was ordinary. We probably lived below the poverty line most of my life. But we also lived a good life. I married into poverty (if there is such a thing) and I have battled to get out ever since (27+ years now). I am making progress, which is another post, or two or more, but today I am looking at why I teach. And I'm joining up with Michelle at BTL for her <b>July blogging challenge</b>.<br />
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When I was in school, I was the kid that the teachers turned their noses up at. I was <b>VERY </b>Junie B. Jones. I was precocious, I was unfiltered, I was very intelligent. Being a kid who was very sensitive to how others felt about me, and more importantly, my perception of how others felt about me, I had a lot of anxiety in school (huh, I wonder if that is where my kids get that from?!). I know what it is like to love my teacher and have her have to <b>REALLY</b> try to love me back and not really succeed. Teachers write about <i>THAT</i> kid all the time. The one that they have to fake it with, the one that sucks all their energy. Well, I was that kid. Now, I don't really think I was <b>THAT</b> difficult. I think that by today's standards, I would have been a dream student, but in that town, in that day and age, I was <i>THAT</i> kid. Therefore, I grew to hate school. But not learning. I was always a little bit of a nerd about input. Putting the information in the brain. I love to read and intellectualize and spout off about my grandiose opinions and thoughts and insights. Oh. That might not always be considered learning. I still love those things. I teach because I shouldn't have been <i>THAT</i> kid. Because in reality, no kid should be <i>THAT</i> kid. I teach because all it takes for me to succeed is for one person to tell me I can do something. One person told me I would be a good daycare provider, and I ran a successful business for over 4 years, and then my little girl was old enough to go to school. One person told me I was smart enough to go back to school. Look at me now. BTW.... in contrast to my very LOW high school gpa (I think it was something like 1.75), I graduated with my BS degree in education with a 3.93 gpa. Because someone took the time to believe in me. And tell me that<b> I can</b>, and not that I can't.<br />
<b>THAT </b>is why I teach. <b>THAT </b>is why I love my high poverty school that has fewer than average of the "perfect" students. <b>THAT</b> is why I will love and believe in these kids and hold high expectations for each and every one of them, even <i>THAT</i> kid. And I will try like hell not to have <i>THAT</i> kid, because each one of them is worthy of being valued as a vital part of my class and worthy of being loved and accepted right where they are at. <b>THAT</b> is how I will let them know they can do anything they want to do with their little lives. Because I know one person who will believe in them. No matter what. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-12639127653564769472016-07-23T07:47:00.003-07:002016-07-24T04:19:37.366-07:00What makes a hero?Today's blogging <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/parent-engagement-tip.html"><b>challenge prompt</b></a> is Parent Engagement Tips. I will be reading it to glean new ideas. I feel compelled to write about something I witnessed yesterday, but sometimes I am so torn.... what a great prompt. I will just say this: last year I created a separate facebook account just to use for school. Then I created a secret facebook group for our class where I could post updates, pictures, reminders. The mundane and the not so mundane. I have never gotten such positive feedback from parents as I have this past year. They felt like they were truly included and in the loop with their kids' education. This has been the greatest thing ever in my class. Plus it's fast and easy. Blogging, to do it right, requires going back and reading it to make sure it makes sense, catching the spelling errors and omissions, and changing the poor grammar. But facebook posts are short and sweet and take very little time to preview. It has increased my frustration with blogging and made me even more of an instant gratitude junkie, but it has simplified parent updates and I love it and they love it!<br />
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So really, what qualifies someone as a hero? It is time for me to ponder that and really discover why I look at my daughter and think, "she is my hero."<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">she's the selfie queen...</td></tr>
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This is the Punkin. More often referred to as the Punky and sometimes at home we lovingly call her "the Punk." Still a term of endearment, still short for Punkin. Which is almost like Pumpkin, only more endearing and special. And not just for fall. (insert a laugh or giggle here... LOL).<br />
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Punky battles some serious mental health issues. Depression and Anxiety. They can cripple her ability to use socially appropriate behaviors. Like her sense of justice. Things in life have to be <b>FAIR</b>. Not <i>JUST</i> fair, but fair according to her rose colored glasses, which may have a slight tint of spoiled-rotten-I-am-the-baby-of-the-family. Okay, this is not uncommon for kids with anxiety. They need life to make sense to them and to feel safe, they need things to be "fair." Think for a minute about how we as teachers battle the fair is not equal war all the time. every. single. day. Now take a kid with anxiety issues and justice issues and try to explain to them why it is "fair" when it is not equal. She gets it when it is about her and why there are some exceptions for her anxiety. But she doesn't always get it when it comes to others. Which ups the anxiety. and fear. and nervousness. Real fear. Real anxiety. Real physical ailments (stomach aches, headaches). Crippling. This last year, her inability to put her sense of justice aside sometimes caused more problems than it cured. It made it hard for her to make friends. So add bullying to the list. I cannot say with 100% certainty that the behaviors she encountered were bullying in and of themselves. I say that what she encountered was more of a wear down technique. Bullying is generally repeated behavior from one person, but she endured small behaviors from many people. So maybe she could be strong if one of the boys was rude or made derogatory comments. But then another one would throw out a remark. Then a girl would say something cruel (probably because they are sixth grade girls, that is what they do). Then maybe another. So did any one student bully her? I don't know. And technically it may not count as bullying. But what it did to my little girl's confidence was heartbreaking. Enter suicidal thoughts. and mental health intervention. *sigh*<br />
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So in some ways it's been a healing summer. She has worked really hard to work together with me, her mother, to be a productive part of our family. I am so proud of her hard work. But what I saw last night... well, it made me aware of what kind of inner strength and grace my girl has. She is not going down without a fight.<br />
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Birthdays are a big deal at our house and it is no secret any longer that I kind of detest mine. Most days I don't really think it is a good thing that I was born, and I don't really relish the anniversary of my birth. I tend to mourn. And my mom she's always combated that with a big, bang-up bash (haha, 4th of July. get it?) for my birthday. I tend to do the same for my kids. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Punky's birthday is coming up soon. The 26th. And she planned this birthday party with her friend from school. Thank you Lord that it worked out for her friend to be with us! So... the big plan: a sleepover, go to the skating rink, and go swimming (the next day of course). Here is where the story gets interesting.<br />
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My girl is not a good (proficient) skater. It is simply a lack of opportunity. She has not been skating that often. And when you only go every year or two, well, it's hard to get really good at it. And let me just say, she has probably really only gone skating 4 or 5 times in her 12 years of life. Her friend is also not proficient. I was surprised actually. At how "unproficient" they both were. So they got out there and they granny skated. Slowly. Falling down. The opposite of graceful. awkward.<br />
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But some of their school mates were there. and they were proficient. Good. maybe even excellent. And they still were proficient in making fun of my girl. and her friend. and me. (I once was a good skater, but I only skate every few years now so starting and stopping are particularly awkward for me).<br />
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At one point my daughter said, "it's just not very much fun when *they* are here." And they DID make a point to call out, to make fun, tease and cajole. Talking loudly to undermine her confidence. I asked if she wanted to leave. She said no.<br />
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And painfully, slowly, she continued to attempt to skate. Again. and again. and again. For two hours. She battled her own lack of practice and proficiency, fighting against the cruelty of peers, to do something she enjoyed.<br />
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The look. That look of determination. Oh my.<br />
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That is when I thought, "this girl is my hero." I love her so much. I wish I could make life easy for her. Or easier. Because for her to battle her anxiety, it makes what comes easily to some, more difficult for her. But she is not a quitter. She is determined and I want that. I want a piece of that tenacity. I want her spirit and spunk and her undying fight to carry on.<br />
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You never can tell what a hero might look like. It might look like my Punky girl.<br />
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Can you see it in her eyes? The fierce determination? Yep. These girls were my heroes last night. But my Punky was elevated to hero status in a way that I can only hope you can glean from my writing. My knowledge of her journey, how difficult it can be for her to take on "ordinary" tasks. Her grit and lack of quit. Amazing. I have always adored her, today I take time to emulate her. She is my hero. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-669184360204219412016-07-22T22:20:00.001-07:002016-07-22T22:20:07.553-07:00Teacher Balance, what is that?! Today's <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/maintaining-teacher-balance.html"><b>blogging challenge </b></a>prompt is teacher balance. What a great/important topic. And one that I am not good at. I am always a last-one-to-leave teacher. But I am determined that this year is going to be different!<br />
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As I was contemplating my blog and getting ready to start writing, I came across this quote. Not necessarily about teacher balance, but it seemed valid somehow.<br />
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I have been riding the wagon of good intentions lately. And we all know about those! I heard a quote once that went something like this: "I judge myself on my intentions, but the world judges me on my actions." Ouch, there might be a little sting in that!<br />
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I read Michelle's post and just nodded. "Yes, yes, and yes." But it was more like... I need that, and that, and that. Not that I have already implemented those practices that lead to a more balanced life. I had the best of intentions that this would be the magical summertime when I would start to cook and eat better. ha. Hasn't happened yet. That this would be the summer I would lower my daily stress by incorporating exercise into my life. That instead of staying up all hours of the night like my summer reality, I thought I would practice a reasonable bed time and early to rise time and get in the habit of resting my body and mind when it so greatly needs it. So now that I have told on myself and made it sound really woeful, it's time to talk about what I do right. Because sometimes I actually do some things right!<br />
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I maintain teacher balance by nurturing relationships that build me up. Toward the end of the year last year I finally loosened up and started making more friends in the building. Before that, I had ONE friend in the building. And sometimes that is enough... who am I kidding, that is not enough. There is a delicate balance between laying your personal struggles (and teaching struggles) out there for everyone to hear and see in the teacher's lounge and seeking out a trusted teaching friend to melt down to a little bit about a certain student interaction, or something we're troubled by. <br />
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Finding a teaching tribe. Mr. Greg at Kindergarten Smorgasbord is the first one I heard ranting about finding a teaching tribe. Well, by ranting, I mean, posting ENTHUSIASTICALLY on social media. Last summer my teaching friend, Alyce, invited some teachers from different walks of life and different school settings to meet and share ideas. Sharing ideas is cool. But the most valuable part of these get togethers, is what happens to my perspective. I leave our time together feeling refreshed and valued. I almost always have better perspective on my teaching life after our time together and invariably I feel refreshed in my personal life too. Making time for a teaching tribe is crucial to my sense of balance.<br />
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Pets. If you've been reading my blog, or happen to be a facebook friend, you know that I lost my beloved little dachshund this summer. His name was Hundley. Sometimes I called him Hundles. Often we called him "Mr. Weinee" like the dachshund in the movie Open Season. Every night before bedtime he would beg me to sit in the chair and watch tv so he could wedge himself between me and the side of the recliner. And when I would "watch tv" (this is code for: sleep in the recliner) with my pup, we would be joined by the cat. So I'd have a dog beside me and a cat on my lap. And there was something a little bit sacred about that time together that was relaxing and refreshing. Having pets who depend on me keeps me alive and in tune to needs around me that are not my own. But more than that, pets equal companionship and love. I talk to my pets. Worry about them. Scold them. Tell them that I love them. and so on. Pets lower my stress level and bring a little balance to my world. My cat (who is actually my redheaded daughter's cat) is my best friend and faithful companion. I talk to him, snuggle with him, tell him secrets, and just pet him when I want to feel calm. He is 15 years old. He will not among us forever. In fact, he's showing some signs of his age and I know I will be utterly devastated when he departs this world.<br />
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Crafty things that make me happy. Those things are part of maintaining balance. Like tie-dye. And crafting like mod-podging something, or painting. And there's coloring. I have jumped on the coloring band wagon. I love coloring.<br />
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I want to work to find healthier meals before school starts and start planning and eating in ways that help me stay sane and balanced. I like how I feel when I eat better. And sleeping. I would like to see what benefits I might encounter if I started getting a healthy amount of sleep. <br />
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I want to begin some sort of exercise on a regular basis. Not only will this help me combat the extra pounds I've put on in the last years, but it will help elevate my mood and provide a sense of accomplishment and well-being.<br />
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Balance. Some balances are in place already, some others are in my head and haven't become reality yet. I pray that they do become reality.<br />
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I have a serious problem with my short term memory. I know that this is in part if not in whole due to chronic stress. So I need the balance and I want to find out what my life would look like once I began a regimen of self-care that includes balance in my teaching world.<br />
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<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-55553692231438310482016-07-21T22:01:00.000-07:002016-07-21T22:10:54.932-07:00My life just gets gooder and gooder..... Today we are supposed to write about why I teach for our <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/why-i-teach.html"><b>BTL blogging challenge</b></a>.<br />
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But my mind is elsewhere today. And let's face it, in the middle of July it is difficult to wrap my head around the WHY of what I love about teaching. I can spout off the canned reasons and quotes all day. But today I am thinking about something else.<br />
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Today I became a car owner. Of a nicer car than I have ever had before. And it was a gift. What?! Yes. a gift.<br />
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So here's the long version.<br />
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I had a van, it was not an expensive van, it was a little bit ugly, and little old, but it drove really nice. And it was a good vehicle for us. Dependable. Decent gas mileage.<br />
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Then, on the way to work on a Friday morning, we hit a deer. And the front hood was a mess and long story short, there was over $5000 worth of body work necessary to repair it. This is the van I bought for $500. Liability only insurance. Pretty much totaled as far as insurance is concerned. However, I only had liability on it. Sad news.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I couldn't find a better picture of the van. But here it is in the background, after we "borrowed" it from my family.</td></tr>
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But the good news was that I owned another car. I was letting a family member drive it because I didn't need two cars and their family did need a second car. I got the trusty ole Saturn back and signed over the van to them. If they got it legal again, they could just have it.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The old Saturn saw us through a LOT! Many trips back and forth from the OK panhandle!</td></tr>
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Great! Everything was worked out! But the good. ole. Saturn was just that. Good and old. I was used to putting oil in on a regular basis. But then it started using 2 quarts of oil in a week. That's a lot. And then it got to the place where it wasn't dependable anymore.<br />
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So I borrowed the van back from my family. The good news was that they weren't using it and it was available to borrow. But now time is marching on and here I am, still driving the van. I got rid of the poor old Saturn, which brings me to a point where I don't actually own a car.<br />
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Okay.... so good things are happening left and right in my life. But in this situation, I can't help but worry. I found out that my family was going to need the van back soon due to a change in employment. I have been choking down a panicky feeling in my throat. I knew that there was a chance I could get a car through the Circles of McPherson County group that I am currently a part of. But the availability of donated cars is completely unpredictable and they never know when it going to happen. Also, there is the application process and making sure you have your ducks in a row, which thankfully, I do have. I have the reciprocity hours necessary to qualify.<br />
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And..... to bring my longish story to a close: I am now the proud owner of a 2009 Chevy Impala. I feel extremely blessed and grateful!<br />
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<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-91749652257854171672016-07-20T21:37:00.001-07:002016-08-03T05:31:30.421-07:00Poetry.... <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #111111; font-family: arial; font-size: 24px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: 1.2; margin: 10px 0px 15px; orphans: auto; padding: 0px; text-align: start; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: normal; widows: 1; word-spacing: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Today our theme is poetry. So I'm joining late, 11-something p.m. in Kansas, which means it is already tomorrow in Chicago. I am joining the party at <b><a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/poetry-day.html">BTL blogging challenge</a></b> for July.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">A couple of favorites written by Langston Hughes. Interestingly enough, I found out that Slum Dreams was originally published in as Little Dreams and some of the wording was different. But I like this best. It so eloquently addressing what is not an eloquent life to live at all. </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"></span></span></div>
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Slum Dreams<span style="background-color: white; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times"; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span></h3>
<h5>
By LANGSTON HUGHES</h5>
<span style="background-color: white; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times"; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><span style="background-color: white; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times"; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: -webkit-left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"></span><br />
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Little dreams<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Of springtime<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Bud in sunny air<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
With no roots<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
To nourish them,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Since no stems<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Are there-<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
Detached, naive,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
So young,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
On air alone<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span><br />
They're hung.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></div>
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Dreams</h3>
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Hold fast to dreams<br />For if dreams die<br />Life is a broken-winged bird<br />That cannot fly.<br />Hold fast to dreams<br />For when dreams go<br />Life is a barren field<br />Frozen with snow.</h4>
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-Langston Hughes. </h4>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Poetry of my own is <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">a different beast</span>. Harder to write. sometimes. Sometimes it is like air itself and seeps through <span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">from my po<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">res like sweat on a h<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">ot Kansas day.</span></span></span></span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Here is one I wrote in High school (that was the 1980's folks).</span></span></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u style="text-underline: thick;"><span style="font-family: "serif" , "serif"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I Am</span></u></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "serif" , "serif";"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;">I cry,<br />
and I am growing. <br />
I laugh, <br />
and I am triumphant. <br />
I watch, <br />
and I am learning.<br />
I grieve, and I am knowing. <br />
I laugh, <br />
and I am a winner. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br />
-Carrie Suderman </span><br />
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Here is another. It truly depicts teenage angst. And hopelessness.<br />
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u style="text-underline: thick;">Changes in Time</u></b></div>
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My silent solitude.</div>
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A secret death.</div>
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Stealthy.</div>
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Slinky.</div>
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Disgusted,</div>
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I walk.</div>
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To far, far away.</div>
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Forgetting.</div>
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Screaming and terrified.</div>
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calm, in control.</div>
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Crying in fear, </div>
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in pain.</div>
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Heartbroken.</div>
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Proud.</div>
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Lost.</div>
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A child</div>
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lost in the crowd.</div>
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So young. </div>
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So innocent,</div>
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and vulnerable.</div>
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Crazy and frustrated. </div>
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Crying in shame—</div>
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growing, learning.</div>
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Changes in time...</div>
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meaningless,</div>
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painful,</div>
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priceless.</div>
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Changes.</div>
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Confusing, cradling,</div>
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Warm and loving....</div>
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Changing. </div>
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-Carrie Suderman</div>
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Of course, there is the one I banged out last week. Which is rare these days. I seldom write poetry anymore. </div>
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<u><span style="color: black;">Rage On</span></u>
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Sweet and gentle<br />
the patter of the rain.<br />
Now tamed and docile,<br />
just like my soul.<br />
Not long ago<br />
the thunder rolled<br />
angry and boisterous.<br />
Violent and intimidating.<br />
<br />
Inner turmoil<br />
violently churning,<br />
thundering on,<br />
striking where it wants,<br />
unpredictable and aggressive.<br />
Then,<br />
it passes.<br />
Replaced by the sweet, soft patter<br />
of refreshing rain.<br />
<br />
Or tears.<br />
No longer violent.<br />
Falling softly<br />
from my face.<br />
The storm has passed.<br />
The refreshing and renewal have begun.<br />
<br />
-Carrie Horn
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<br />
So that is a glimpse of the old and the new. And one of my all-time favorite poets, Langston Hughes. He's well worth the read. So relevant to my past, to today, to my personal journey, to society.<br />
<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-40445608080422657572016-07-19T22:58:00.000-07:002016-07-19T22:58:55.213-07:00Slice of Life TuesdayTuesday is <a href="https://twowritingteachers.org/2016/07/19/its-tuesday-write-give-share/">Slice of Life </a>Day. Slice of Life is by Two Writing Teachers, who have a blogging challenge every year in March. July blogging has a higher rate of probability for actually happening for me, but I do both challenges. <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/home-in-d100.html"><b>BTL</b></a> blogging challenge is during July, challenging us to write everyday in the month of July. I have missed one or two days out of 19, that is not too bad. <br />
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Well, in Kansas it is no longer Tuesday. But I am in Oregon tonight and it is 10:30 p.m. here. I am here for the C.H.A.M.P.S. conference and it's been a busy learning experience. But the sight-seeing.... wow. I've never been this far west and it is gorgeous. It is nearly perfect here. The weather has been lovely. Perfectly lovely.<br />
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I'm learning about myself when I'm here. Not all of it is pretty. Yesterday we went to VooDoo Doughnuts, ah-maze-ing!<br />
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But the trip there was revealing. I am a HUGE advocate for poverty and the homeless of Portland would definitely qualify for those living in poverty. But I clutched my belongings tighter to myself and looked away like the homeless were not even there. I ignored their pleas for money. "anything helps..." even though I know longer really buy into all the "don't give them money, they might use it for drugs" hype. They might. But guess what? They might need that fix. Some of them use it get by, to escape their situation, and some of them may have become homeless because an addiction stole their life and withdrawals are deadly, so they need a fix. But I am so sad that I so quickly joined the masses that looked away.<br />
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I know my kids would be appalled and want to help these homeless brothers and sisters. I was overcome with how many people there are. Everywhere. Our hotel is NICE. In a nice neighborhood. But just a half a block from here are homeless sleeping right beside the road.<br />
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So I feel like a hypocrite. In theory, I love the homeless. I think their plight is real. But today my true colors showed. I didn't want their situation to actually touch me. I pray that I am different tomorrow. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-58435971182481281402016-07-17T20:21:00.000-07:002016-07-17T20:21:02.043-07:00Tourism and Professional DevelopmentToday is day number 17 of the July blogging challenge. The prompt for today is Classroom DIY. And I really don't know that I have anything of substance to add yet. I am one of those better-under-pressure kind of people, and it is not close enough to school starting for me to have things completed for my classroom. But I've had some much going on in just plain old life, that I will talk about today just a little bit. Link up or just <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/classroom-diy.html"><b>head over </b></a>and read about everyone else's DIY classroom projects.<br />
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Earlier in the year, my principal came to me and asked if would want to go to the CHAMPS national conference in Portland, Oregon. So here I am, ready to learn from Randy Sprick about classroom management.<br />
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My friend Jim came and gave me a ride to the airport this morning. We are laughing at my inability to figure out the selfie camera. <br />
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Here I am on the plane ready to take off from Wichita. You can't even tell that yes, I really did do my hair this morning. Nonetheless I was excited about this trip.<br />
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This is the view from our room. I feel a little like I'm in heaven. <br /><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg_TPFc7D-eLE2NUeym4QaivRFh8jmird71nv4JCIs82ZXVpD5EBVFxNHxqaEfO-uBzUS36G1ncrF5Sg7upXK7Xm2RCDEX10AUBfwfujZ70oNmvEy6mskX0q4Xc4w1jmKdNVgsRKmYbo_z/s1600/20160717_150317.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg_TPFc7D-eLE2NUeym4QaivRFh8jmird71nv4JCIs82ZXVpD5EBVFxNHxqaEfO-uBzUS36G1ncrF5Sg7upXK7Xm2RCDEX10AUBfwfujZ70oNmvEy6mskX0q4Xc4w1jmKdNVgsRKmYbo_z/s320/20160717_150317.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">scenery: we are not in Kansas anymore.... </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Check out the trees. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What we were looking at was the sign showing a bike hitting the trolley tracks and the person falling off.</td></tr>
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It was a balmy 70 degrees when we got here today. Back in Kansas it was 95 and humid. We walked around to go sight seeing. And caught a streetcar and found a quaint pizza place.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I thought this little coke bottle was so cute.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is called the Pork Belly pizza. Yum!! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh85_NMW-oALBDbf5rDntoQ6eBcT2VusqvwkAtE36QnuugZlAbl9KVXTlsJmFY2j0-3kWYQUXqY_lSlH6NEuUdNy0E1bHzJQRXmCDa_A3pjYGX1mATl4z5SfTYX7wOB2XB8Z-i2qWqU_oMp/s1600/20160717_165319.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh85_NMW-oALBDbf5rDntoQ6eBcT2VusqvwkAtE36QnuugZlAbl9KVXTlsJmFY2j0-3kWYQUXqY_lSlH6NEuUdNy0E1bHzJQRXmCDa_A3pjYGX1mATl4z5SfTYX7wOB2XB8Z-i2qWqU_oMp/s320/20160717_165319.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This one was the Cauliflower pizza. Pretty tasty.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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I was so tired. Too tired to be much fun. And too tired to really take in what a great city this is. It is beautiful, the weather is lovely, and there's so much to see. There is a giant bookstore called Powell's and it takes up an entire block. Book heaven. We were only there for a little while. I thought, "oh we can go back after we eat..." but traveling fatigue caught up with me and we had to come back to our hotel. Which is gorgeous!<br />
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The introvert in me is longing for that peace, quiet and downtime that blogging brings. When it is just me and the thoughts in my head, I feel the calm, I relax and rejuvenate. I can breathe. And get ready for a big social push again tomorrow. Ah.... I know that writing is calming. Just the sound of my fingers pounding the keyboard.<br />
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I am looking forward to tomorrow and to learning about teaching in a way that is gentle, honest, kind and effective. Look out CHAMPS conference, here I come! <br />
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<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-44789008717163942612016-07-16T22:28:00.001-07:002016-07-16T22:35:30.854-07:00Letters.... Today, well, yesterday now, it is officially Sunday (12:02 here in the heartland), the blog prompt for the BTL blogging challenge is titled "Letters" and if you read my blog much you know that I LOVE the letters! They used to be called "Sunday Letters" and I would save up some sarcasm for a letter or two. I'm working really hard to change my inner dialogue, but I can't promise that there won't be a snarky snippet or two. Read everyone's letters at <b><a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/letters.html">Big Time Literacy</a>. </b><br />
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Dear Portland,<br />
I can't wait to meet you. I am not a well-traveled girl. In fact, I'm a little overwhelmed by the very thought of it. But I'm excited nonetheless. And I believe that this will be a learning experience in so many ways. I plan to keep an open mind and heart.<br />
Waiting anxiously,<br />
a midwestern girl<br />
<br />
Dear Michelle,<br />
Thanks for hosting this challenge. I only feel a little tired of the writing because I feel like I am squeezing it in and not giving it my best. Sometimes life really is too busy to blog every day! But I'm grateful to share my life, the mundane and not-so-mundane with this blogging community. Thanks for hosting, but thanks for the honesty too.<br />
Your blogging buddy,<br />
Carrie<br />
<br />
Dear Oh-I-think-you-know-who-you-are:<br />
Really?! Just really?! That is about all I can say about that. After all these years I can't believe that you would still choose to give your power to me. Thanks for giving me a feeling of power and might! I'm sorry to say, I can't give you the same amount of space in my head or waste that much time flapping my jaws over the bitter past. I just have too much life to live. So if I really have nothing to say.... this conversation is over.<br />
Sincerely.... oh who are we kidding.... I'm not sincere and this conversation really is OVER....<br />
<br />
Dear baseball,<br />
Oh how I love you. Let me count the ways. Strike one, strike two, strike three! I love watching my Royals play. I love the camaraderie and the Salvy splash and the homeruns and the come from behind wins. I actually understand the game and I am fascinated. Not to mention, y'all are really pleasant to look at in your baseball pants.<br />
Shouting at the tv from my seat,<br />
a devoted fan<br />
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Dear children,<br />
You are going to be just fine. Stop doubting yourselves. You are turning into responsible people with good heads! I have utmost confidence in you. Keep your chin up, your head on straight, and your heart open. You are ready to fly.<br />
love,<br />
your momma<br />
<br />
Dear School,<br />
I hear you calling. I have not forgotten you and I am not ignoring you. I hear you calling, tugging at my heart, overwhelming my mind. I hear you. I'm coming! I just have a little summer left to absorb.<br />
Love,<br />
this devoted teacher<br />
<br />
Dear Gerry Brooks,<br />
You make me laugh. I love the "Dollars trees" and "the Walmarts" and so many things you say. There's often wisdom hidden in your funniness. But I laugh every time I watch a new video. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw the "What the Heck" video the other day.<br />
Suriouslee,<br />
this teacher in the heartland is still laughing<br />
<br />
Dear Bed,<br />
I hear you calling. Since it is officially Sunday now, I guess I better "sleep fast" as my momma used to say. I think that 6 a.m. will come early tomorrow/today.<br />
Stretched too thin in spite of my thickening middle,<br />
~ a tired, worn out blogger/teacher/mom/crafter/reader/writer/housecleaner<br />
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So, I better hit the hay. Tomorrow is already here. I could write umpteen more of these letter. I love them. Thank you my blogging friend. Happy Sunday. It's going to be a busy one! <br />
<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-90461029007581017282016-07-16T08:21:00.002-07:002016-07-16T08:21:12.593-07:00Five for Friday on a Saturday.... Today I am posting five "random" things from my week and they are not about school. I hardly ever have a time where I *just* focus on myself and my family, even in summer. But the past week has been all about my family. Hop over to <a href="http://doodlebugsteaching.blogspot.com/2016/07/five-for-friday-link-up-july-15th.html">Doodle Bugs Teaching</a> to read about everyone's week. <br />
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1. I found a FABULOUS coffee place in Hutch, where I teach. Here is my coffee drink and the adorable little sample that the barista brought for my friend. This drink is called the Jo Momma. It was made by barista Joe, the owner of Scuttlebutts. This was fun!! <br />
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2. I splurged on my wardrobe! I got a new vest/jacket and leggings. Is that tie-dye on there? Yes it is!!! I got them at a fair trade store while I was out with my teacher tribe. Hmmm.... I guess I did do something school related this week, but it falls in the category of self-care for me. <br />
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3. I made my daughter a comforter. It's not professional quality. But she will have something to remember how much her Momma loves her, no matter what. I made a comforter 18 years ago for my other daughter and she still carries with her. So it was time to make one for my youngest girl. I made the top out of bandannas and the back out of a twin sized sheet. <br />
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4. I got to meet this cutie!! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinmX9Qcz1hUiNLJFOcjyvu9Re-6Z6nmVbxLisksp3GqSbrgRqQtbMSSeWEkHcshm4mhaYDqzNxZQfj1LRDMDvvprMOUJoABQxsNqelDctHnTzBiG5Ri0Y7uKWAyqOIopD4j1k7wlkf_be_/s1600/20160715_185138.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinmX9Qcz1hUiNLJFOcjyvu9Re-6Z6nmVbxLisksp3GqSbrgRqQtbMSSeWEkHcshm4mhaYDqzNxZQfj1LRDMDvvprMOUJoABQxsNqelDctHnTzBiG5Ri0Y7uKWAyqOIopD4j1k7wlkf_be_/s320/20160715_185138.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
And I haven't spent time with this beauty for approximately 10 years. (minus the photo bomber who I see every day). Here is the abbreviated story.... I raised this girl. She was 6 years old (and I was a very young 20) when she and her sister came to live with us. Lots of turmoil later, we parted ways. And now, we are restoring our relationship. So this reunion was a matter of the heart. I was blessed beyond measure to see her and to hear those words, "I understand, I forgive...." This might be my favorite moment all year. It is so special. <br />
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5. Fun with the fam!! We have a TON of birthdays in July. And the Redhead is home right now so we just HAD to celebrate. A little home made ice cream, so gift exchanging, and some cupcakes! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6SOuiVndGrl1FjFBg70XUW27PweUuwahlGEUdn2jpiH3G_NTPTrM5G-Wf-1-cizMBuR9dDISrGzU79VEc0gyX8n356tJ8btwBgwMl42noWsPSU-D3MSO5uYPaoVkB9m8Kaf_1L1dG2kOI/s1600/20160715_185730.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6SOuiVndGrl1FjFBg70XUW27PweUuwahlGEUdn2jpiH3G_NTPTrM5G-Wf-1-cizMBuR9dDISrGzU79VEc0gyX8n356tJ8btwBgwMl42noWsPSU-D3MSO5uYPaoVkB9m8Kaf_1L1dG2kOI/s320/20160715_185730.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My sisters birthday is July 24 and Punky's is the 26th.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Redhead wasn't home when it was her birthday. So she needed to be included in this.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtYjoLXHXfXxCTugHFY-SS7S16tP7uoBzaGCZLTEAd-jCO17a2jorxOBP6GI27JnhVtAjW6pM58wMm4F4Mqt2HAMMvr1aAnamv7epNF-1Vkk4GzQBfJ5lzpGBnPjCnuk2FFaJEwx1JQFKB/s1600/20160715_204059.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtYjoLXHXfXxCTugHFY-SS7S16tP7uoBzaGCZLTEAd-jCO17a2jorxOBP6GI27JnhVtAjW6pM58wMm4F4Mqt2HAMMvr1aAnamv7epNF-1Vkk4GzQBfJ5lzpGBnPjCnuk2FFaJEwx1JQFKB/s320/20160715_204059.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">12 candles.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitZfFHc3BRZAPRWCru7VhG1ZpSXOsyPvTr-nKJNqTBMwYx42Bb3L2IBE525HfBqKVnDtoAZ0bCrzijiAq5Q0dL6zoRhGX-_pBJv5jyxdrJ8p6xjAlVn2y-_WohfSOeVJbS_IXaXH7C-OON/s1600/IMG952016071595193740242.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitZfFHc3BRZAPRWCru7VhG1ZpSXOsyPvTr-nKJNqTBMwYx42Bb3L2IBE525HfBqKVnDtoAZ0bCrzijiAq5Q0dL6zoRhGX-_pBJv5jyxdrJ8p6xjAlVn2y-_WohfSOeVJbS_IXaXH7C-OON/s320/IMG952016071595193740242.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gluten free cupcakes for all! </td></tr>
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That is five things from a busy, family filled week. I am blessed, exhausted and my heart is full. I have been enriched and challenged. My week was full of laughter and hard work and blessing.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/twitter-tips-and-tricks.html"><img alt="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/twitter-tips-and-tricks.html" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg67bnbBPfrwR-eDulHVhxKCrh1jRz0sr4nZBiIWv8ufuWBNhlVDXUp-bo42CtvD6cfIR0_Gbn3lSf_hCpmPSUApOYuqGAwZFuEMozLJbJ9NwRuvbxdrj0gbQharxJDBZOjmjwAxFqVXDlq/s1600/btl+challenge+2016.png" /></a></div>
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<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-33596613592699155632016-07-14T08:37:00.004-07:002016-07-14T08:39:55.541-07:00Rage OnSweet and gentle<br />
the patter of the rain.<br />
Now tamed and docile,<br />
just like my soul.<br />
Not long ago<br />
the thunder rolled<br />
angry and boisterous.<br />
Violent and intimidating.<br />
<br />
Inner turmoil<br />
violently churning,<br />
thundering on,<br />
striking where is wants,<br />
unpredictable and aggressive.<br />
Then,<br />
it passes.<br />
Replaced by the sweet, soft patter<br />
of refreshing rain.<br />
<br />
Or tears.<br />
No longer violent.<br />
Falling softly<br />
from my face.<br />
The storm has passed.<br />
The refreshing and renewal has begun.<br />
-Carrie Horn Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-46163301365810415782016-07-13T20:33:00.002-07:002016-07-13T20:51:56.368-07:00What I'm Loving.... What I'm Loving Wednesday.<br />
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Today what I am loving is my teaching tribe. The women who build me up and don't tear me down. The ones who tell me about what is going right in the classroom and in their home life. Today we planned an outing to a neighboring town, Lindsborg, little Sweden. We at lunch at Jalisco Mexican Restaurant, which was delightful. As we enjoyed our lunch together, we celebrated a tribe member who got a different job, one she will be really good at and that she has longed for and prayed for! One of the things she shared with us was that in the interview, she knew answers to some of the questions because of discussions we've had when we have gotten together. She said to us, "I took a piece of each one of you with me to that interview..." <b>THAT</b> my friends sums up what a tribe is all about! After our lunch time, we strolled around the town. What a fun time. And I ended up buying myself some to-die-for cute clothes! Leggings. And a vest/jacket type thingy. It is oo-la-la. The best part of the apparel.... wait for it.... it has tie-dye on it! And it absolutely makes me feel pretty. And professional. And like my best self. And I definitely would have just longed for them if my tribe members wouldn't have been there to cheer me and encourage me. I know I'll wear these pieces plenty this upcoming school year!<br />
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I have no photos yet. Maybe I'll go take one!!! <br />
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My photographer was incensed that I would dare ask her to take my picture, so she just clicked, clicked, clicked and done. So the picture that is not blurry cut off my head, the one where I'm smiling was a little blurry. But I think these two pieces of clothing are the very definition of my authentic self. I bought them in a fair trade store which made them even more valuable/special/authentic! <br />
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I am loving that my life is so blessed. That I have fantastic, authentic friends who cheer for me and encourage me and love me and pray for me. I love that they trust me and allow me to be part of their inner circle.<br />
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I am loving this summer. What do I love: reading, napping, loving on the kiddo, snuggling with my cat (missing my dog still....), puttering in the garden, working in the house, working in the yard and getting back in touch with my creative side. I am loving the little things: a shaved ice with my daughter, lemonade in my cup, coffee drinks, coloring, netflix, sewing and sleeping.<br />
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I love that life is good today. I love the fact that I have a choice today. Today I don't have to run from my emotions, my hurts and heartaches. Today I can choose to give that stuff to God and not tip-toe around and pretend I was never hurt before. I can be real. And that lets me have joy. I don't have to have it all figured out today, I just have to keep going. And look for the good. Because when I look, there is a lot of it. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-14129441289088693092016-07-12T08:17:00.004-07:002016-07-12T08:23:23.124-07:00Slice of LifeToday for BTL's <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/my-positive-people.html"><b>blogging challenge</b></a> we are writing our Slice of Life. Just a slice, a glimpse, a little insight into our lives. So I'll continue blogging and practicing the discipline of writing with Michelle and I'll also link up for <a href="https://twowritingteachers.org/2016/07/12/its-tuesday-write-share-give-2/"><b>Slice of Life</b></a>.<br />
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Today I am overwhelmed with "deep thoughts." I had originally planned to write about self-care and pets. But I'm really fired up about "Black Lives Matter" vs. "Blue Lives Matter" vs. "All Lives Matter." I not black or hispanic, but I'm really mad at my white brothers and sisters and their take on if we would just start to respect authority again then all would be right in our world. The problem is much, much larger than this and has developed over many years of police oppression and brutality and many years of blacks (mostly) being kept in the ghetto by the way we have waged our "war on drugs." Are all police corrupt? Absolutely not. And many who are corrupt on some level are corrupt with the best of intentions. They are not bad people and not trying to perpetuate hate, they are doing what they have been told is right, and what they've been taught. This is ginormously huge issue. This is only the tip of the iceberg. One that we cannot really understand if we are white. What? Why? Well, because certain privileges are ours just because we were born with white skin. Poverty is somewhat of an equalizer, but some privileges belong to us simply by our birth. Okay, rant over. For now. It will resurface, I'm sure.<br />
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Moving on to self-care. One of my favorite things in the world is tie-dying. It is relaxing in an exhausting perfectionistic kind of way. Tie-dying takes HOURS. And a lot of effort. It is really hard on my carpal tunnel syndrome. My hands are swollen today. Technically I didn't tie-dye yesterday. But the things I tied on Sunday I rinsed out yesterday. I rinsed, and I rinsed, and rinsed some more. And then I wrung them out, and rinsed them, and wrung them out and.... are you starting to get the picture? But I am SO pleased with the finished products! Thanks to a friend for contributing to the "grateful dyes" fund and to my bestie for pushing me to buy quality dyes from Grateful Dyes in Colorado. I learned a new technique (thanks youtube tutorial) called fish-scaling. And I was pretty successful making a star! It is not as crisp at the top as I wish it was, but it is still pretty good for my first star!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sorry about all the grass in the pic, but this is the photo that turned out the best! The blue/green one is the fish scale technique! </td></tr>
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This little slice of my life is something that makes me feel happy and excited and successful. I'm not always successful at parenting, at teaching, at friending. Well, I'm not always successful at tie-dying, but I feel a real sense of accomplishment when I do it successfully. Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-9311857113141559142016-07-11T06:38:00.004-07:002016-07-11T08:13:47.137-07:00Words that Speak to Me.... Today's blogging prompt for Michelle's July <a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/words-to-live-by.html" target="_blank">Blogging Challenge</a> is... Words that speak to me. Oh my. I could fill a book. So read on. And be sure to hop over and see what everyone else blogged about today, the 11th day of the challenge.<br />
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Here are some of the words I try to live by:<br />
"And acceptance is the answer to <i>all</i> my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-- some fact of my life-- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or sitatuion as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."<br />
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"When I focus on what's good today I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; if I focus on the answer, the answer increases."<br />
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"Acceptance is the key to my relationship with God today. I never just sit and do nothing while waiting for Him to tell me what to do. Rather, I do whatever is in front of me to be done, and I leave the results up to Him; however it turns out, that's God's will for me.<br />
I must keep my magic magnifying mind <i>on</i> my acceptance and <i>off</i> my expectations, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. When I remember this, I can see I've never had it so good."<br />
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I was searching this morning to find out when this story was written, but I did not find the answer. Dr. Paul got sober in 1967 (before I was born) and wrote this after that. It was first an article and later included in the stories in the big book of <i><b>Alcoholics Anonymous.</b></i> Recently there have been many books written about the words that are in here. Books that concentrate on how we can have a good life if we focus on what is good and right. The book I am currently reading to become a more focused parent, <i><b>Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline</b></i>, talks about the Power of Attention: what you focus on you get more of. I love the fact that this idea is not new and also that these words I want to form my life around, are spoken in other places in other forms as words to live by. They are powerful. I am a deeply flawed individual. And when I focus on that, my mistakes multiply. When I focus on what is right, my whole life improves.<br />
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A couple other "words to live by" words for me....<br />
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<td>Amazing grace! how sweet the sound,<br />
That saved a wretch; like me!<br />
I once was lost, but now am found,<br />
Was blind, but now I see.</td>
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<td>’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,<br />
And grace my fears relieved;<br />
How precious did that grace appear<br />
The hour I first believed!</td>
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<td>The Lord hath promised good to me,<br />
His word my hope secures;<br />
He will my shield and portion be<br />
As long as life endures.</td>
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<td>When we’ve been there ten thousand years,<br />
Bright shining as the sun,<br />
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise<br />
Than when we first begun.</td><td></td></tr>
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In my life, having joy is partly from already walking through a hell that I never want to repeat. All too often I catch myself thinking about other people who profess the grace of God but live out judgment and I think to myself.... "they don't know what it is to be a wretch like me!" I do. I know I have been a monster. I horrible person. And that I don't have to live that way today. Today I have the power of choice in my life and I have a LOT of freedoms. Freedoms from self-condemnation and fear, from the cycle that we are held to when we live our lives in anger and hatred.<br />
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The Serenity Prayer is a way of life as well. I know, it is simply an over-quoted prayer. But it is more than that.<br />
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...."<br />
Well, this part helps me realize that I am very, very human and finite and I have very little control on the world around me. Can I change the will and heart of another person? No, I am not God. Can I change the political turmoil and civil unrest that is playing out in our country today? No. I am one person.<br />
"courage to change the things that I can...."<br />
So what, exactly, CAN I change? me. My attitudes and actions. My heart. My choices. I can continue to weed out that things I don't want to take root in my inner soul. I can continue to look around for positive role models to pattern my actions after. I can step out of my comfort zone and make changes to the way I view life, the way I parent, the way I love others, the way I take care of business, the way I teach.<br />
"and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen."<br />
Is this my stuff? Or is it yours? Am I being co-dependent and taking on responsibility that is not mine? Am I trying to change something I don't have control over? Is this my stuff? Or someone else's baggage, garbage, opinion, or responsibility? <br />
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<tr><td><br /></td><td>Words that I want to live by.... </td><td><br /></td><td><br /></td></tr>
<tr><td><br /></td><td>"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny." -big book of Alcoholics Anonymous p. 164.<br />
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Somewhere in the big book it mentions "happy, joyous and free." Believe me, this often seems to me to be out of my grasp. Grandiose. But if you look farther into the serenity prayer than the frequently quoted verse that we all know, there is a line that talks about being reasonably happy in this life.... reasonably happy. I find that something I can actually strife for. It sounds and seems attainable to me.<br />
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I have many, many other "words that speak to me." Like my OLW... momentum. Besides the powerful words in the song Amazing Grace, the words of the old hymn "It is Well" speak to me. If I trust in a God that is big and powerful and has my best interest at heart, I can have calm in the middle of chaos. Because I know.... it is well with my soul.<br />
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Wow. I got a little preachy. sorry not sorry. What a great prompt! What are the words that speak to you? Move you? Change you? What are words that you aspire to live by? </td></tr>
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Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-54638042555408501602016-07-10T21:47:00.001-07:002016-07-10T21:51:24.532-07:00Hometown Attractions.... Today's prompt was Hometown attractions. I was planning to write about something else. But this got ahold of me. Here are a few thing I love about my little, rural town.<br />
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The beautiful McPherson Opera House. It has been beautifully restored. There are places to hold receptions, and family gatherings, as well as a beautiful stage for entertainment acts and sometimes movies or plays.<br />
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Neighbors Cafe. A little bit of nostalgia. Old fashioned diner, fantastic folks, one of a kind food. My favorite is going in for breakfast food. The food is good. Like I really want to get Guy out here to eat it and talk about it on Triple D. But more than the food, I love the people, the atmosphere. It's fun and everyone is family. I love bringing friends here.<br />
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Main Street Deli. Lovingly referred to as "the Deli." If you eat at the Deli, plan to smell like the Deli for the rest of the day. But oh.... it's worth it! Great sandwiches and soups and homemade desserts. The pies.... to die for. Cheese cake. Oh yes.<br />
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For such a small town, it amazes me that we support 2 great coffee shops. Craft Coffee Parlor and The Well. They aren't Starbucks. And that is cool. The coffee drinks are pretty amazing.<br />
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I love our parks. Wall Park in particular. I used to walk there. I don't walk now. I'm so sad about that. </div>
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But maybe I'll get back to walking before summer is over. I hope so. </div>
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I dream about going to KC to a Royals game, and we don't really have famous eateries here. But what we have has heart. It's quaint. Endearing. My town has a lot that I love. Not least of all..... my home, with our newly acquired fence. And we have two colleges, both of them small, private, Christian colleges. One of them save my life 28+ years ago, when I was a young college student in the throes of a disease called alcoholism. But that is another story.</div>
Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-90955414237255758332016-07-09T05:58:00.000-07:002016-07-09T09:27:08.242-07:00BTL blogging challenge: Favorite Student Memory 15-16Big Time Literacy blogging challenge's writing prompt today is: favorite student memory from this last school year. I am overwhelmed by the amazing group of kids that I had last year. I am not sure I can write about it. <br />
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<a href="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/im-on-both-sides.html" target="_blank"><img alt="http://www.bigtimeliteracy.com/2016/07/im-on-both-sides.html" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkY41dvS085JW-gW_JbE3BZzbaob4gtOiRk-7VW-7bLf_Tt8ceyRVviGinta0OEYxP3SvpPov86WBVGjA54-9g8gwSvsWU4N4aox-hNaX1ssUhyphenhyphenOoAFfR_-v02FDSpcImst_HjPPfYcsaY/s1600/btl+challenge+2016.png" /></a></div>
Here are a few favorites!<br />
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Kansas Day presentations! My amazing teaching friend taught me about fun foldables. So we had to try it! We made foldables for our Kansas Day presentations and wrote facts in the flaps.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguTq-Uc1vqFQdBa6a6KB2mCuS5AMwqXBnisvuYmR_seU1bssTqvb9gHct324_8sd7BcYB5XarDWUUcJDdtqxEypX3TB0Qb56Y1dcWPUMe2tMu3WQi8kmhbI_Po_bg2uraTws04PqHMs50Z/s1600/20160129_141753.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguTq-Uc1vqFQdBa6a6KB2mCuS5AMwqXBnisvuYmR_seU1bssTqvb9gHct324_8sd7BcYB5XarDWUUcJDdtqxEypX3TB0Qb56Y1dcWPUMe2tMu3WQi8kmhbI_Po_bg2uraTws04PqHMs50Z/s320/20160129_141753.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here are their foldables and sentences on the Bulletin Board.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaDRybfnmxMoA-4O1TXWiIDfNuT9DBxT96XLAIw8Pjp8M4nDaqgkGQQOHpcZmJH8WmglTPZr8XcHctI-nDaJcQVYloKjfZ_o14RgpvoifFNt0XaFoNLILzkB6qhNxr1nxzgFIZ1wl0zcIf/s1600/IMG_2368.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaDRybfnmxMoA-4O1TXWiIDfNuT9DBxT96XLAIw8Pjp8M4nDaqgkGQQOHpcZmJH8WmglTPZr8XcHctI-nDaJcQVYloKjfZ_o14RgpvoifFNt0XaFoNLILzkB6qhNxr1nxzgFIZ1wl0zcIf/s320/IMG_2368.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Presenting! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWz2fAFdKZTfFU_3K2_ZDQM7NBfHq5rh3akjCAQr-FDDRBAKpLtTu3Qfdm-sX62oZi7jkizQeeKxEmMGy4D2s-IAvSxztxW7IOw99KOMzsFB4iFULm85BAWKoD4HHKslSlyQ_kA2G44Sv_/s1600/IMG_2373.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWz2fAFdKZTfFU_3K2_ZDQM7NBfHq5rh3akjCAQr-FDDRBAKpLtTu3Qfdm-sX62oZi7jkizQeeKxEmMGy4D2s-IAvSxztxW7IOw99KOMzsFB4iFULm85BAWKoD4HHKslSlyQ_kA2G44Sv_/s320/IMG_2373.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I helped this little friend read his foldable. </td></tr>
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Watching students master their writing and phonics skills in Fundations.
I was so proud of all of them, but this little guy really struggled
with fine motor skills at the beginning of the year and watching him
struggle and succeed was extremely rewarding. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVmINV9hwWdLhbtJ3zKmn9Hal08C-JyYfjtXKgeFikASru3I0JOuw1RmDrs4Tb4t2gQWQXtLm8HJYCwOIxD7qAjw1QP5w6yS6BgraQt0hHG-zAV7VlLw-J2SMzyXarPPipp9al5n7AF28/s1600/20160517_085134.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVmINV9hwWdLhbtJ3zKmn9Hal08C-JyYfjtXKgeFikASru3I0JOuw1RmDrs4Tb4t2gQWQXtLm8HJYCwOIxD7qAjw1QP5w6yS6BgraQt0hHG-zAV7VlLw-J2SMzyXarPPipp9al5n7AF28/s320/20160517_085134.jpg" width="180" /></a></div>
One of my very favorite memories this year was on Star Wars Day!<br />
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Most of my favorite memories are not academic. These kids have big hearts and my life is better because they are in it. I have built some relationships that I anticipate keeping for a very long time. I had the privilege of watching one of my little friends play T-ball this summer. It was amazing to see her confidence soar! <br />
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Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6808561215984146159.post-69339563453240481252016-07-08T07:17:00.001-07:002016-07-08T13:40:05.029-07:00BTL Blogging Challenge: Book Club FridayThe writing prompt for today is to write about any book we are reading. But I have to be honest. My heart is not on books I'm reading right now. My heart is bleeding for the discord and turmoil in our country. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPan46y9tX4vnniJJnSN3TtBg-WTUPfqNUhU2xq-Ez-vCVWZ8JzJ6QzIskRJWg9TanbD0F-TMRF6JAU3FrXwpJh0rBjpsD_P2IE8JjPHYtmDr0nXSzYVVeON2DW-BCZR2CJsWSLuFhY7Ro/s1600/mlk+peace.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPan46y9tX4vnniJJnSN3TtBg-WTUPfqNUhU2xq-Ez-vCVWZ8JzJ6QzIskRJWg9TanbD0F-TMRF6JAU3FrXwpJh0rBjpsD_P2IE8JjPHYtmDr0nXSzYVVeON2DW-BCZR2CJsWSLuFhY7Ro/s400/mlk+peace.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
The unrest and violence is deeper than white suburbia can possibly fathom. We think to ourselves and say to our neighbors, "but look how much things have changed since the 60's...." Yes, there have been been some incredibly good changes. But if you take a look at the "war on drugs" and what that has done to the black community, not all change has been good. Today I am thinking on the book I read last summer: <i>On the Run: Fugitive Life in an American City</i> by Alice Goffman. <br />
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<a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/on-the-run-alice-goffman/1117106880/2674060559853?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Marketplace+Shopping+Books_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP2246&k_clickid=3x2246" target="_blank"><img alt="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/p/on-the-run-alice-goffman/1117106880/2674060559853?st=PLA&sid=BNB_DRS_Marketplace+Shopping+Books_00000000&2sid=Google_&sourceId=PLGoP2246&k_clickid=3x2246" border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxB8wC9uCVsp458TnONA4uOG-N0omua0uCWXrrkOarePIAQTNPp0dtkpL88nFIi9Anm8gU5mHt_VYPJAjU52s2lnCXdD1a6dcO37wTTqPIqO9uHHYpBmQG_1oSSmH0fJzJ2KstXJORNBlW/s320/on+the+run+book.jpeg" width="213" /></a></div>
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I see things in the media by police, about police, for police advertising and selling that there ARE good policemen and women out there. This is SO TRUE. But as a whole, they've been charged with "containing the problem" and especially in the cities of our nation. Extreme force is expected and accepted. If we think that cops killing people (in particular people of color) is something new, we are sadly mistaken. Please don't think for a moment that I am saying that I think it's okay to retaliate, absolutely not. I am trying to convey that it is a bigger problem. It starts in government. And "We the People" need to stop turning a blind eye to our bothers and sisters around us. These two incidences in the last few days happen to have been caught on video and shared with a world that turns it's back on the ghetto and the plight of our poor and impoverished.... which is statistically proven to be blacks and hispanics.<br />
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I am sad today. I am a little scared of what is to come. And I pray that positive change comes out of these tragedies. ALL OF THEM. I am heartbroken over the deaths in Dallas. I hurt. I believe what MLK said sums it up best:<br />
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<br />Carrie Hhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04694971408015846662noreply@blogger.com3